Three Men trying to get into heaven
09-14-2009, 09:37 AM
#1
Mopar Fanatic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: ARIZONA
Posts: 311
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Three Men trying to get into heaven
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
09-14-2009, 09:39 AM
#2
Mopar Fanatic
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: ARIZONA
Posts: 311
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Three Men trying to get into heaven
Three buddies died in a horrid car wreck, and when they got to the Big Gate, Pete warned them: "For some reason we've been getting a heck of a lot of ducks up here, and sometimes someone steps on one. It makes a heck of a racket, upsets all the other ducks, and there's a huge flap. So if you step on a duck, there'll be severe consequences."
So the men, warned, entered the Big Gate. About 2 weeks went by, and the first guy accidentally stepped on a duck, with predictable results. Pretty soon St. Pete came up to the guilty party and his friends, bringing the ugliest woman they had ever seen. He chained the two together, and said, "OK, she's yours for the rest of eternity."
A month or two went by, and pretty soon friend no2 made the big mistake, and he, too, was saddled with the ugliest woman he'd ever seen.
The last guy was really paranoid, and being pretty careful. One day St Pete came up to him with the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, chained them together, and said, "OK she's yours for the rest of eternity."
The 3rd guy was astounded that he'd been rewarded in this fashion. Finally he and she began to talk, and he finally asked her, "what do you suppose I did to deserve you?"
"I don't know", she said, "All I did was step on a duck!!"
So the men, warned, entered the Big Gate. About 2 weeks went by, and the first guy accidentally stepped on a duck, with predictable results. Pretty soon St. Pete came up to the guilty party and his friends, bringing the ugliest woman they had ever seen. He chained the two together, and said, "OK, she's yours for the rest of eternity."
A month or two went by, and pretty soon friend no2 made the big mistake, and he, too, was saddled with the ugliest woman he'd ever seen.
The last guy was really paranoid, and being pretty careful. One day St Pete came up to him with the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, chained them together, and said, "OK she's yours for the rest of eternity."
The 3rd guy was astounded that he'd been rewarded in this fashion. Finally he and she began to talk, and he finally asked her, "what do you suppose I did to deserve you?"
"I don't know", she said, "All I did was step on a duck!!"
09-17-2009, 06:56 PM
#7
Mopar Lover
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Michigan: The First Line of Defense From The Canadians!
Posts: 1,892
Likes: 0
Received 4 Likes
on
4 Posts
Okay, guys not feeling well and goes to the doctor, he runs some tests and says we'll call you in a few days. Guy gets a phone call from the doctor and he says "I have good news and bad news". Patient says give me the good news first, doctor says "You have 24 hours to live". JESUS!! Says the patient, "What the hell is the bad news?!!" Doctor says, "Couldnt get a hold of you yesterday!"
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Tommyandamanda21
General Discussion
1
07-13-2011 05:46 PM
